PIG'S PACKET pluriform spandiosystis

CLAIMS ANOTHER VICTIM

Residents of a quiet suffolk village ran about with their arms in the air panicking yesterday when it emerged that local resident ezekiel zepnut had contracted a particularly nasty disease, a disease so rare it can only be caught in exceptionally depraved circumstances.

Local busybody, edna grainger said from behind a closed door "we were always suspicious of his ways...he turned up here from london and before we knew it he was skulking about in the hedgrows during the day scaring the rabbits and making hideous grunting noises in his rickety old shed at night. He was warned by the vicar but would he listen?....would he f.."

A ministry of agriculture official revealed that a cull of all living things in the area with barborous medieval implements would now commence followed by an r.a.f. napalm sweep "just to be sure". "it's such a shame because it used to be such a lovely village" exclaimed one dear old lady "and then this lout from essex turns up in his bloody great boots and spoils it for everyone. The man's a complete animal!."

ZEPNUT YESTERDAY

 

Dazz SOLO CAREER?

Speculation mounts that Dazz, bassist with boyl'd pig is currently planning a money spinning solo career without his erstwhile colleagues. Seen here playing a secret one off gig in a dublin drinking establishment he performed a series of elaborate bass driven songs from his new album "all the others don't know about this".

Introduced by his manager, cearul mcdonnell (left), Dazz played a full 3 hour set followed by a symposium on the merits of "not selling a rickenbacker when you've got one". His blackadder style haircut was greeted with surprise from some quarters, notably a contingent of screaming women from essex who immediately crossed him off their list of who to bunk up with.

Rumours of a new band "Dazzone" were swiftly denied by several large men in black balaclavas carrying guns although onlookers at recent boyl'd pig gigs have remarked that "Dazz doesn't dance about as much as he used to does he?" fuelling even more gossip of creative differences.

 

 

PRESIDENT GOON?

In an unprecedented move today, goon entered the american presidential race at the last minute with a promise to "rid the world of all americans". Analysts predicted a less than enthusiastic response from the heartlands but agreed that some of the key major cities would contain people stupid enough to vote for their own demise.

"After all, we voted for gross stupidity previously so i don't see it being a major barrier this time around" said a grinning idiot from ohio who then added "y'all have a good day!!" in a ridiculous accent.

Goon's official manifesto, hastily typed up in notepad features proposed legislation to extend the current liberal use of the death penalty to "Anybody caught living with an american passport".

More worryingly, it has become apparent that goon used to be richard ashcroft out of the verve (see above).
Does this mean that we can look forward to a drug fuelled orgy of angst-ridden songs on the pig debut album followed by a big band bust up and an unsatisfactory solo career? The jury's still out on that one but in the meantime everybody after me...."It's a bitter-sweet symphony......."